Big Time Scars
by Suicuneepic
Summary: From being once the Perky singer in BTR to turning timid an afraid. Life one day will get to much and that is when scars begin appearing on his body. Will his friend stop him before it's to late? Or are they the reason he's falling? A story on self harm awareness.
1. Day 1

**Big Time Scars Chapter 1**

**Okay guys this is for Self Harm Day on the 13th December. It's something me and my friend are doing to support those who have self harmed (her friend was one of them). So we are writting 'Stay Strong' on our wrists on that day. Please join in. (If you will I'd love it if you told me by review or pm) Thanks guys now enjoy.**

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Day 1

Standing in frount of the bathroom mirror, listening the those thoughts in his head.

He was the weakest band member.

The clumsiest band member.

The most useless band member.

And last of all the stupidist of them all.

Many horrible comments had been made about the poor kid. Even his best friends made fun of him.

The worst person in the world at it was not Gustavo, his boss, who punished him by making him work as a assistant until four every evening (except weekends).

Not the girls he had a crush on when they always rejected him and made him feel like a nobody.

It was not the people around him who laughed and pulled faces. They got to him a lot however one thing still hurt more.

But his own band mates who went out their way to mock their clumsy friend for absolutely no reason.

Anouther tear rolled down the boys cheek. There was no easy solution and as far as he was aware nothing else he could do.

The mirror reflected his what he believed was once a perky, hockey playing boys face but now it was the face of a pitiful, useless, disgraceful boys face.

_Before he was a member of Big Time Rush his child hood was challenging, with his parents splitting up and fighting over him. There was lots of times where he had to sit in court whilst his parents bickered over who had the rights to keep the boy. _

_All the fighting was doing was driving him to pain and sorrow. In the end his mother was taken away from him and he was in the back seat in his Papa's car. However it was not how he had wanted things to be. He wanted to have both his parent going on that holiday they planned mounths ago. There was no way his working father could just pay for that now after all the money wasted on Layers and many other things relating court action. _

_All of this scared the young child so much he went to his room and pushed his bed across the door so no one could get him. Pitifully he climbed onto his bed, curled up and sobbed his little heart out. The razor he had taken from the bathroom cupboard lay on the other side of the bed. Nervously he started rocking himself staring at the plastic object. With no idea what to do with it he left it for the time being. It had not yet come to that._

However now as a sixteen year old maybe it had. In his washbag was the same razor he took eight years ago. It sat in there calling to him.

"Use me. I am what you need. Your solution."

Swallowing hard the boy reached into the bag to pull out the same piece of plastic he held all those years ago. The blades even sharper than those on the standard razor these days. After gulping again he rolled up his sleeves and placed the blade above his helmet. Quickly he scraped of the skin a centimetre down.

The pain was so horrific he dropped the razor and yelped.

Someone banged on the door.

"Carlos what's goin' on Gustavo needs us at Rocque Records in twenty minuets and I still need to comb my hair!

Speedily the boy rolled down his sleeve and leapt out the bathroom. Before he knew it he was back in the same studio as always rehearsing with his 'friends', trying to ignore the agony the cut was giving him.

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**So what do you guys think. I hope this story will also help those who want help on knowing what to do if they know someone who is doing this or if you are. **

**Cya**

**Suicune.**


	2. Day 2

**Big Time Scars: Chapter 2**

**First I want to say thanks for all those who have read this do far! Also I will update this a lot because I want to finish it before Friday (Stay Strong Day) Now I give mentions at the end.**

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Day 2

Carlos' heart sank as he sat down watching his best friends dancing for there life in a rehearsal. For the first time ever he wasn't the first one who wanted to try out the new move. Instead he leant back and sat in the corner.

Logan the intelligent band member was the first and only that day to notice Carlos' refusal to dance first. Being Carlos he always volunteered himself first that sometimes the dance coaches would just go to him straight away. As it was a first Logan let it slip. Maybe his perky friend was just a little ill so that's why he was out of character.

"Come on, darling, it's your turn so give me a twirl." the coach instructed.

Moodily the latino rose to his feet and twirled hands by his side at almost no miles an hour.

Kelly who was checking on them as she walked pasted noticed Carlos' refusal to give any effort.

As she was instructed to she had to go inform her boss Gustavo. Sighing, worried for the boy, she waked down the hall to his office.

"Gustavo," Kelly said opening the door to his office, "I think you need to watch Carlos'."

Gustavo grouchily stood up his faxe turning into a tomato colour. Kelly dipped her head and lead her to the window of the dance room.

Carlos was standing at the back a move behind the rest not really trying.

As soon as they were finished of dance rehearsal they had to face Gustavo who was standing outside the rehearsal room door.

"Dogs, Sit." He commanded and instantly they all sat on the hallway couch. "Good rehearsal but you," he points to Carlos,"need to come to my office.

Gustavo dismisses his dogs then walks to his office with a depressed Carlos plodding along behind. Kelly watched as Carlos plodded into Gustavo's office and waited for the shouting to begin. The rest of Big Time Rush had already hightailed it out of the building.

"What the fuck was that Carlos!" Gustavo yelled at the poor boy.

Carlos stumbled over his words, "I I I I-was just ...tired"

It was clear he had made up the last part and Gustavo was not buying a word of it.

Carlos switched to pulling his puppy face.

"You really think I'm that fucking stupid. You better be sorts by tomorrow now I get out of my office!" The older man roared.

Like a rocket, Carlos leapt up and shot off. Kelly was going to ask if he was okay but when she called there was no response.

Tears were building up in the teens eyes and it was clear he was feeling threatened by his boss. But no one knew the whole thing.

He did not believe today could be worst than yesterday with the harsh comments and the shoving around but it somehow was and he still had hours left to fight through.

Before he allowed himself to show his face to the people he tended to all family he made sure there was no sign of the tears he had shed and that the scars on his arm were hidden. Still he winced when he bend his arm.

"Hey." Logan called as he swung the door open.

He looked up and put on his goofy smile to get away with questions he did not feel like answering. Swiftly he navigated himself around the room, for once being careful.

"What did Gustavo want this time?" James asks as Carlos climbs to get up to the bedrooms.

"Urm...Just complaining as always." Carlos lied again.

"Oh." James nodded then chuckled, "Just ignore him."

Kendall now looked across at his short friend. Often Carlos stumbled but never pausing for a long time. Already he figured Carlos was making up the story he just told."

"Yeah don't let him get to you. Were here for you bud." Kendall said patting his back as he passed.

Carlos looked at Kendall and smiled sincerely, "Thanks."

Carlos crept into his room closing the door and taking a big sigh.

His friends had not made any comments except ones he use to love them for. Maybe they had read him like a book. He always knew acting was not his strong point, that's why he was a singer instead.

But Gustavo's shouting was still lingering in his head. Again his eyes swelled, tears building up.

His life had seemed to go down hill for the past few weeks. To begin with he laughed with them but now it all hurts. Chips away at that strong wall he had built up and slowly it was falling apart coming downs as his emotions broke out.

In his bottom draw was a small device he called his 'reality weapon'. He pulled out the blunt knife that was rusted and not safe for use. However Carlos did not care. He rolled up his right sleeve and placed the place below his shoulder. Slowly he forced it in, leaving a nice line with blood trickling out. Wincing he again placed the blade next to the cut he just made. With much force he pierced the skin leaving two lines for the two days of pain.

Accidentally he yelps in pain causing all three members of Big Time Rush to sprint to his door.

"Carlos are you okay?" James asked shouting.

Kendall yelled, "Open this door Carlos."

Without thinking Carlos threw the blade back in the draw, slung on a jacket and opened the door.

"Yeah." He replied sheepishly.

His friends signed in relief and made sure he was with them at dinner. After a seven hour rehearsal he needed his dinner especially the fact he was never one to miss dinner espicially desert.

"Come on you." Logan smilled, "Mrs Knight finished dinner."

Carlos forced anouther smile before walking down the stairs with his friends. They even let him watch a programe on a cat who looked after baby ducks. Everyone but Carlos was bored out of their mind. They all just hoped they proved to Carlos they were there for him.

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**Okay now it's time for the mentions.**

**JackielovesLogan- Thanks for your review and for joining in it means a lot to me and my friend we really want to thank you. Hope you liked this chapter and carry on reading.**

**Anonymous Skrtle- Thanks for following I love your stories do thanks so much for following!**


	3. Day 3

**Big Time Scars : Chapter 3**

It's Stay Strong Day!

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**Day 3**

Logan awoke first in room 2J. He stretched and then pushed of his sheets. Yawning, Logan stepped out of bed, heading towards his closet. Careful he took out a pair of black trousers and a casual top. Grabbing his towel from the side, he marched towards the bathroom whistling.

Whilst cleaning his teeth he noticed a small red dot of blood on Carlos' towel. After the two minuets was up Logan spat out what was in his mouth and picked up Carlos' towel. The boy was clever enough to know Carlos was hiding something serious. Normally when Carlos was bruised or scratched he was not afraid to tell anyone. Often people at there old school would run away when he pulled up his top to show the scratch. Chuckling about the memories Logan replaced the towel with a similar one to keep as evidence.

Mrs Knight was making herself breakfast when a fully dressed Logan walked out of the bathroom holding a towel.

"Hey sweetie." She said taking the toast out of the toaster.

"Morning Mrs Knight." Logan replied cheerfully putting the towel down to get some cereal.

Katie, Kendall and James soon joined them demanding pancakes, waffles and pastry products. Mrs Knight sighed. It was just another morning for her and her boys except for one was missing.

Carlos.

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_"Your a useless baby."_

_"I'm not."_

_"Your parents didn't even want you your that useless!" _

_"They did. They even fought over me!"_

_"No they didn't. They split up because of you idiot. They fought over who had to keep you! Even your 'best friends' don't care."_

_"They do...I think they do."_

Carlos woke up sweating, the sheets kicked all over the place. He could not stand anymore. Even sleeping was scaring him now. Pain was all he could think about nowadays. Turning sideways he fell of the bed and onto the pile of sheets.

Everyone in the apartment heard the bang. This time his friends did not bother to let Carlos open the door they just burst in.

"Carlos are you okay?" James asked trying to find his friend.

"Yeah." Carlos mumbled leaping to his feet.

Desperately he tried to show the Carlos people loved but it was getting so much harder lately as he got more depressed.

Always Carlos leapt to his feet when he was in pain to make sure no on worried about him.

_The four boys ran along the Roque Records corridor away from Gustavo. Chuckling and turning backing making sure the fat man was not following them. As they were coming up to the step bend Carlos turned his head once again to check but he did not notice how close the wall was. He ran straight into a wall and then spun before he fell face first into the ground. _

One thing Carlos skipped from his memory how his friends all ran back to help him up, forgetting about Gustavo possibly coming for them. Whilst giggling slightly they did assist Carlos all the way home.

_It was a hockey game against there main rivals, NY Tigers. They had lost against the team many times but that was not going to stop them today. Carlos was standing ready with his stick about to play. The whistle blew and after only a couple minuets when the puck was heading his way, he swung his stick and the puck went in the net surprisingly. With all the excitement he slipped and everyone laughed at him. Soon a video of him was posted everywhere titled 'The worst goal scorer eva'._

However Carlos forgot, not everyone laughed. His best friends pulled him and made sure the latino was okay. Then they did there best to remove the vid from the internet as fast as possible.

"Hey I'll make you breakfast!" Kendall offered.

Carlos looked up and smiled slightly, "Pancakes?"

"Pancakes." Kendall nodded.

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Carlos decided to go to the pool, as it was a Saturday, to chill for a bit. Cautiously he made sure he had a long sleeve top on to hide his scars.

James decided to join his friend so he could watch out for him like he usually did.

Kendall had gone of with Jo for a 'romantic' date which normally ended early because Jo or Kendall being pulled away by work.

Logan was continuing his more important studies on what he missed at rehearsals.

Trying to cheer himself up Carlos canon balled into the pool with his hoody still on. Mr Bitters was not very happy about this as he pointed out his no clothes in the pool sign. Sighing, Carlos waded through the pool to climb out. Many passerbys laughed when they saw him in his soggy clothes however what Carlos did not realise was they laughed for him not against him. They all assumed he was happy as and he too enjoyed the moment.

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In appartment 2J Carlos wrung out his clothes before putting them in the washing pile. With his shirt of his scars were glaring at him. Poor Carlos could not distract himself from the marks all over his arm.

"Why me?" Carlos moaned.

The pain was becoming agonising both physically and mentally.

Carlos sat down on the sofa, infrount of the tv, pulling on a shirt. He did not want to watch a hockey game like he usually did. Instead he fell asleep on the sofa with tears in his eyes.

Logan arrive back carrying six books he could read through the next few days. Straight away he noticed Carlos asleep on the sofa.

"Hey Carlos." Logan whispered not wanting to pester him if he was in a deep sleep.

As he approached he could see red around the edges of his collar. Gently the boy rolled up his friends sleeve to reveal more of his arm. More of the scars were revealed to him. He gasped in horror which awoke Carlos. Being the smart one Logan knew not to mention it straight away.

"Hey buddy." Logan said calmly to his sleepy friend.

Carlos moaned, "I was sleeping."

After yawning and stretching Calos stood up.

"Is it Lunch yet?" He asked.

Logan just paused.

"Urm Carlos, Lumch was five hours ago. You never miss lunch times. Are you okay?"

"Yeah." Carlos lied hoping his freind would leave him alone.

Logan could tell Carlos wanted leaving alone. Mainly by the signs he had picked up on from being with him for so many years.

First there was the fidgeting of the fingers which let you know he was uncomfortable.

Next there was the short sentences (normally only one word) which told you Carlos was not in the mood for talking.

And finally when he did not make eye contact something is wrong.

Once Logan Had moved on from Carlos he sighed and let out a deep sigh. Thoughts he believed no one else could understand lingered in his head.

Soon Kendall and James arrived back telling stories of there day which was rather boring but respectfully the others would all listen or pretend to listen.

As soon as Mrs Knight got back she turned on the cooker and started to prepare that evenings dinner. Carlos sat quietly hoping again to be left alone. His friends read him like a book and all allowed him to be silent.

Once they had all eaten (or in Carlos' case shuffled food around on a plate) Carlos went to his room.

Soon after he removed his shirt. The pain he was trying to hide was starting to make his whole arm impossible to control. The cut higher up on his arm had started to get infected as they were not treated properly and the rust from the knife was now in his arm.

In the dark the latino could only think about the bad things in his life. It was hard to possibly imagine anything good happening to him. Mr Bitters words came into his head again.

He did not need to go through the reasons he grabbed the knife and stabbed his arm once again. The pain instantly took away the memories. He wanted to howl in pain but he had learnt how to control himself.

However Carlos did not expect a knock on his door that evening. Quickly he attempted to put on his shirt as Logan slowly nudged the door open.

"Carlos?" Logan whispered walking up to his friend.

Carlos' eyes were red and puffy full of tears. He looked like a young child crying over a small cut but Logan knew.

As a friend he thought long and hard about what he would do before he just went in and told anyone.

"Carlos," Logan repeated, "I know what you've done."

As soon as he heard that he dipped his head and began wailing.

Logan quickly added, "Carlos, it's okay. I want to help."

"How can you? You caused this!" Carlos snapped.

"Carlos no." Logan sighed, "I'm so sorry what ever did I do wrong."

"Your the ones laughing at me and calling me names and you leave me all the time!"

"We don't laugh at you. We laughs because we thought you thought it was funny too. I had no idea it upset you this much."

Carlos looked up at Logan. When his eyes met the older boys he could tell that he was completely serious. A small smile crept on his face.

"Carlos," Logan began, "Can you please let me look at your arm."

The smile faded. Unsure on how to reply Carlos just stared blankly at his friend.

"Please Carlos!" The older boy begged.

Carlos nodded at Logan allowing him to see his arm. Carefully Logan rolled up the thin material and gasped at the sight of his friends scars.

"Carlos." Logan cried embracing Carlos.

Carlos cried softly into his friends arm.

"I'm sorry!" He sobbed feeling useless.

Logan squeezed tighter.

"Logie?" Carlos asked and Logan nodded, "Can I sleep with you tonight?"

Logan nodded softly and smiled.

"Sure buddy."

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**Well that was a long day but It needed to be as so much happened! Poor Carlos or Hooray for Carlos? (I would actually like to know). So things are turning around but I'm not done! Well sorry this took a while I lost my wifi! I know how did I survive! (*^*) Please review.**


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